I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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