so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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