Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
