And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
