Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
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