so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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