Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
