Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
