I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
