You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
