So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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