She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
