i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
