i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
