I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
