I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
