I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
