At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
