My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Come on in and take your pants off
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