He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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