Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
