remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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