guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
