At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
