I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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