I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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