The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
