well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Sacagawea was the original milf.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
