dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I want to be your penis for a week.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
