I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
