it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
there is glitter all over my balls
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