I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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