pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
