He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
