I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
