Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
