There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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