How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
