i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
