grandma shit on top of the toilet
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
