I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
