But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
