shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
