i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
