I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
