its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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