I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
