So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
