we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
