That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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