he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
