No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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