i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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