I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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