As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
